Thursday, March 29, 2007

the T word, again

it still surprises me.

everything rests on and in my trust in God.

i have "ah-ha" moments and think i truly get it. i've been reading thru Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning with my LifeGroup. we read such awesome insights like "...grumblers live in a state of self-induced stress...It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful." when a man asked Mother Teresa to pray for clarity for him she replies, "No...Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of...I have never had clarity, what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."

i start to really get it. we try to side-step trusting completely because it requires risk, as Brennen says. there is risk, otherwise, faith is not required. then comes the test...

tuesday i realize i'm going to be late for my chiropractic appt because i need to drop off my files to my accountant and didn't quite leave in time. i call my chiro to see if it's still okay to come, being that i will be a few mins late. he tells me that it will be no problem, get there when i can, no stress. funny thing, he said it. no stress. yet somehow i must have felt stressed, and not truly trusted, because i sped. yeah, got caught, too. state trooper. big bux, hun.

God had my whole day planned. no stress. i didn't fully believe. i didn't fully trust. now i gotta pay the price.

i am laughing and shaking my head at myself. will i ever truly get it? will i ever be able to fully trust with my whole being?

God, I hope so.

Lord, "I do believe; help my unbelief." Mark 9:24

Sunday, March 18, 2007

peeling 'em off

the "had it up to here"-edness is cured.

i did indeed stay Birmingham at my cousin's place for 3 days. i let myself enjoy cinema therapy, nature therapy, and retail therapy - my 3 favorite therapies =)

if you haven't seen Stranger than Fiction yet, do. it gives us all a reason to like Will Ferrell and reminds us that routine, while safe, can truly drive a person nuts and stifle L-I-V-I-N.

go hiking alone. have a lil talk with Jesus. tell 'im all about your troubles. he WILL hear your faintest cry, and answer by and by.

visit Old Time Pottery. don't take all your money in that wonderful store, cuz you'll spend it =) i bought some new kitchen knives and a cozy area rug for my living room.

taking time to breathe is amazingly freeing. realizing that what that looks like for me is quite different from and doesn't have to look like anyone else's method, priceless.

bye bye more layers.