the T word, again

it still surprises me.

everything rests on and in my trust in God.

i have "ah-ha" moments and think i truly get it. i've been reading thru Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning with my LifeGroup. we read such awesome insights like "...grumblers live in a state of self-induced stress...It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful." when a man asked Mother Teresa to pray for clarity for him she replies, "No...Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of...I have never had clarity, what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."

i start to really get it. we try to side-step trusting completely because it requires risk, as Brennen says. there is risk, otherwise, faith is not required. then comes the test...

tuesday i realize i'm going to be late for my chiropractic appt because i need to drop off my files to my accountant and didn't quite leave in time. i call my chiro to see if it's still okay to come, being that i will be a few mins late. he tells me that it will be no problem, get there when i can, no stress. funny thing, he said it. no stress. yet somehow i must have felt stressed, and not truly trusted, because i sped. yeah, got caught, too. state trooper. big bux, hun.

God had my whole day planned. no stress. i didn't fully believe. i didn't fully trust. now i gotta pay the price.

i am laughing and shaking my head at myself. will i ever truly get it? will i ever be able to fully trust with my whole being?

God, I hope so.

Lord, "I do believe; help my unbelief." Mark 9:24