Frost on the Pumpkin

That's what Mr. Bill would say, walking into the office on a chilly morning, "Oooooooh, there was frost on the pumpkin this morning, Miss Jill!" He was the office manager at a family owned furniture store I used to work in a few years back. I learned a lot about older Southern men that year, about Godly men and the way they treat others, especially women, with respect.

It's funny, the things you remember, the people that really spoke into your life, and the stuff you thought traumatized you, but really didn't matter.

Recently went to my 15 year High School reunion. I was looking forward to seeing a handful of people, not so much wanting to see others (read: the ones that tortured me all thru high school). I had an attidude about it, anger headed toward vindication. Heather called me out on it (thx for the gut check) and so began the prayer cover. Funny thing happened the weekend before I left for the reunion, the anger was just lifted off of me. No other explanation but answered prayer. (insert big smiles and PTL here!) As H. suggested, I just began to focus on looking really HOTT (yes, that's so smokin hot you gotta use 2 T's) and being myself. So, I got a new haircut and color to cover the gray, plus facial/professional makeup lesson, pedicure and a smokin outfit; I did just that :)

The reunion was a very interesting and freeing experience, one of the most healing I've ever had. Everybody was married pretty much, had kids and careers, yadda yadda. We did the cheesy questions like "Who lives out of state? Who has the most kids?" and when we got to the question "Who had never been married, is still single?" I was the only one raising my hand. So, I gave a loud "Whooo hooooooo!!!!" clapped and shot up my hands in the rock horns and said, "Alright! I won one!" That got a good laugh, and then they asked the flip question..."Who has been married the most times?" There was 2, 2, 2, 3, 3, 4! No kidding. All in 15 years. Everyone laughed it up at the time. I got to thinking later...Man, thank you Jesus for saving me from that kind of hurt. I can't even begin to imagine. I have truly never felt sooooooo completely comfortable being single!

Had another epiphany in the days after the reunion...all that stuff in high school, the insults and general meanness, really didn't matter. We all did stupid stuff, said mean stuff out of our own insecurities. We didn't mean it to hurt each other. The hurt came from Satan using it to stomp me into the ground, crush me, implant lies about my identity in my mind and heart. No one every taught me how to fight that battle. I get now what someone was trying to teach me a few years ago...for healing to happen, I need to let God go into those hurt places and uncover the lies and speak truth into those places. I am not stupid. I am not a know-it-all. I am not fat. I am not ugly. I am not a bad dancer. I am not a pretender. I am not clumsy. I am good enough. I am smart enough. (Stuart Smalley SNLmoment) And dog-gone-it, people like me!

I am a child of the King. I am beautiful, because He says so. I am gifted, because he blesses me. I am loved, more than humanly possible, and am able to give love. I am free.