Saturday, February 21, 2009

on a lighter note...

for the bargain basement price of $18 (a ticket which I bought before my own personal recession), I saw old favs Over the Rhine plus some, now, new favs Old Black Kettle, Minton Sparks, Mary Gauthier, and Denice Hicks host a benefit for a Flannery O'Connor foundation.

It was grand from start to finish. Spoken word, humorous character recitation over guitar picking, and just plain good music...Old Black Kettle is definitely worth a listen if you haven't heard of them. Harmonies reminiscent of the Andrews Sisters over bluegrass...yeah, check em out.

OTR did not disappoint, either. Unique, created in the moment live versions of favs from "Ohio" and "The Trumpet Child" plus one from "Drunkard's Prayer" and one from their "Snow Angels" album, I think, plus one tune from their 1999 release, "Amateur Shortwave Radio." Even the drummer pulled out a 10 minute solo (serious skills, this one) Just good stuff. It was a grand night.


"The light of the truth can be harsh to those who have been in the dark." -God, from Joan of Arcadia

who knew TV could actually be deep? it's a shame this show was canceled, it's really good, at least in my opinion. i've been watching a marathon of season 2 all day and it really speaks to me where i am at the moment.

where is that exactly? Ick.

yep, that's right. I said, ick. I'm back to square one with finances and stability, or at least that what it feels like to me. failure. yep, i said failure, i.e., ick. my massage business is not growing. 3 months of 2 new websites, huge mailouts, and promos and zip, nada, nothing. no new clients. yes, i am still VERY thankful for the 3-4 regulars i have. they are just not enough anymore (and neither is the teaching, tho I'm very thankful for it), since i no longer have a roommate splitting expenses with me. so it's getting down to the wire financially and i think my only options are to get a roommate again or get a second job. no, i'm not thrilled about either.

i feel like i'm giving up my dream, having my own massage business. i know technically i'm not giving up, just maybe "regrouping" blah blah blah. i've just spent a lot of time and energy repainting and refurbishing the room for it, doing marketing and such and absolutely nothing has come of it. as a last ditch effort, i actually put an ad on craigslist today. yes, i AM that desperate. for my business, not for roommate (yet).

i don't like this place i'm in, this desperation. there was an episode of JOA i watched yesterday where they were talking about going through seasons of consecration and desolation. somehow it feels more to me like consolation and desperation. and i really don't like the desperation, or desolation, for that matter. the uncertainty of it all really scares me.

i know God is faithful. he even reminded me how faithful he is last week when i got a card (the best written card ever) from my mom with money in it for valentine's day. not just $5 with the normal "have some candy on me" note, a serious heart-felt written card (written by someone at hallmark, but mom couldn't have said it better herself) along with serious cash. serious cash, right when i needed it.

i know, how could i still be afraid and have doubts? yet, i am and i do.


there's another song that's been streaming repeatedly through my head lately. you former southern baptists will recognize it:

Have faith in God, he's on his throne
Have faith in God, he watches o'er his own
He cannot fail, he must prevail
Have faith in God, have faith in God

possible preparation for the now. hope for the not yet. doesn't make the Ick of the now any easier...