Happiness DOES come in a box!

Original Ice Cream Pints New in 2005!
Chocolate Ice Cream with Chocolate Cookies & Swirls of Chocolate Pudding Ice Cream

Let me tell you...this is some SERIOUS therapy!!! Don't even start the "session" unless you're prepared to see it all the way through, because you're gonna! whether you want to or not! (WARNING: Ben and Jerry are not responsible for obsessive consumption of whole pints of Chocolate Therapy at a time!) This stuff is soooooo good! Truly, a spoonful of sugar IS the medicine. yuh-huh-HUUUUUHM-my!!!!

*available to you for the bargain basement price of less than $5 for a limited time =)

minnie the moucher

yeah, you remember the song from The Blues Brothers. i think i'm minnie sometimes.

i totally mouch free samples of skin products from the spa. i love how they improve my skin and they smell like all kinds of flowers and essential oils, but they are FREAKISHLY expensive sometimes. even with my employee discount.

we're allowed a free sample or two, especially when we get a facial. but i have to admit i mouch the free samples of the really expensive cremes, one i REALLY like is $25 even with my discount (twenny-fi dollas?!?! Goo' Lawd, das a lotta moneh!!!...put it in mah han' fo' a dime!). so i mouch instead of buying it.

the integrity prodder started working big time. i was getting a small sample of some creme and one of the aestheticians says, "you should just bring a bigger jar like i do." yep, God. no kinks in that gadget. it works. i get it.

i've also been told i'm a "prize ho."

i was sharing with one of my buddies in Montgomery, AL, who happens to be a former radio DJ/morning host, about my SERIOUS winning streak last year. how i won tickets to concerts and conferences, CDs, and pretty much anything i entered. and how it's started again...oh yes, there is a Winning Streak Reprise!...with lunch for 15 to Cozymel's (to be had on July 7th) and the new Matthew West CD (good stuff, check it out!). whoo hoo!

i said that it probably helps that i have all the local radio stations on speed dial in my cell phone. he said they have a name for people like me at the radio stations, "prize ho."

ahem. Hi, my name is Jill, and I'm a "Prize Ho."

(insert collective "Hi, Jill !!!" here)

they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

i'm still not ready to take the stations' numbers out of my cell phone. have you been to de nial? it's not just a river in Egypt, you know.

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i got Tagged. i don't wanna be IT any longer. so TAG, YOU'RE IT!!! - my favorite DIVA, the very cool chic (hey you!) that got me hooked on Indigo Girls forever, my fav prolific writer undercover as a very un-ordinary person/Nashvillian turned Texan, and the former radio DJ turned Big Dreamer

random

so tonight at Kairos i go up to one of my good buddies to say "hi" and grab a hug and she says, "you play poker, right?" yeah, sometimes (i just won 1st place in a local tourney last night). "i know this guy..."

my "getting fixed up alert" is going ballistic. yep, she proceeds to tell me she thought of me when talking with him. tall, good looking Christian guy, likes and is very good at poker and board games, lives close by in Antioch, yadda yadda. basically "fixing me up."

keep in mind that my brother got married last summer. my sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks. there have been "mumblings" from various people that next summer will be my turn. quite frankly, i really don't wanna think about it and it scares the bejesus out of me. i'm just figuring out who i am and enjoying it. *taking a deep breath*

i agree for her to give him my email. we'll see what happens. i don't know what to think of it yet.

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i forced myself to go to the gym tonight. though really tired, i knew i had to go anyway to tan (gotta not be pale for sis' wedding) so i reluctantly told myself i'd only do a super lite workout for maybe 20-30 mins.

end up chatting with the late night desk guy. he's not having fun. (i asked) so i suggested, "invest in the space you're in."

after several puzzled looks, i offer, "not money. maybe time, ideas, you decide." he has a hard time loving his job because it is very mundane and too routine and no one appreciates it he thinks. he's the janitor, the only janitor.

more chatting and thoughts offered. he asks me to loan him a buck before i go. i do. no worries.

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i am still pondering thoughts offered and inspired by Kairos tonight:

• being a missionary by definition.
  
• God is not fair (and aren't i glad!)
• he wants to teach me more so through my obedience than in spite of disobedience
• what kind of heart do i have?
• what kind of tools has he equipped me with?
• what kind of tool am i?

the biggest thing i am pondering is whether or not this new church they are committing to start is where i am being called to serve. the question is not whether i am being called to serve. i know i am. the question is where?

where is this full-time ministry you have called me to, Jesus? you spoke to me years ago, and i heard you. show me where, and i will go. is it just in my daily life? the people that cross my path? or do you have a specific task for me? music? small groups? teaching? show me where. it may scare me (more than a little), but i will go.

the old ones die hard

The Smartest Player today is currently jillymae1.

you know, that never gets old. being told you're smart. or being told, "dude, you're hot!" (thanks Allison, and the latino guys at Walmart who don't know i understand Spanish). or winning trophies, being given that pat on the back "atta girl" or hugs with kind words added.

and i soak it in every time. sometimes more than others.

i know who is supposed to provide all my needs, to fill me up, to raise my belief-ometer. and i almost feel sacriligious or blasphemous admitting this, but sometimes approval from people feels so much better. so much more real. more tangible. and i grab hold of every tangible moment offered and tuck it away like a note from the cute guy in class you have a secret crush on, but really want everyone to know about.

and sometimes, when no tangible accolades are being offered, i hold myself up and say, "see? look at me! look what i did! i deserve a pat on the back! notice me! love me! praise me!" and people do and there are "wow's" and "you rock!" and i puff out my chest and put my hands on my hips with a stellar grin and say, "dunt-duh duh daaaaaah! it's Suuuuper Jill"

and the quick fix lasts for a while. like an adrenaline rush after a ride on the Flashback coaster at King's Island in Cincinatti, i am walking around wide-eyed ready to face anything head-on bring it on i can't wait for the next ride then it takes too long to get through the line for the ride, and i am tired all of a sudden. then i yawn. then it's over.

on my face, i cry to the one who notices more of me than i do. and i say, "praise you. love me. help me. i'm raw. i'm empty. love me. please?"

last week at Kairos, we "made peace" before bringing our sacrifice, before taking communion. i wrote 3 letters. as i was writing, i could literally smell and taste sh!t. there is absolutely no other way to describe it. it's happened once since then as well. the old me is dying hard. but it is.



make me new jesus. continue to strip off the layers. make my wings lighter. help me fly higher.

excerpts from recent photo binges

From the Renaissance Festival:

Sundial. or my thought was, "which way is North?" - Michelle =)


Human Chess Match


A coke machine in a castle? no way!!!


For Real Jousting!!! The Yellow Plumed was unhorsed!!! One of the crowd members shouted, "Now THAT'S what I'm talkin about! Violence!!! Yeah!!!"


From the telescope at Vanderbilt's Dyer Observatory (at the BNC Workshop) - Jupiter and it's moons, through the lens of the telescope! (twas a very cool moment)

mosquito thoughts

i lived deliberately this past Sunday.

i went to an event at the Scarritt-Bennett Center where the theme was to focus on common ground through practices, instead of theology. the choice for the day was walking and silent prayer.

one of the leaders really said some things that stuck with me:

• active prayer is the kind we do most often, where we're doing all the talking and not listening. sometimes the only silent prayer we get is on Sundays when the preacher says, "now let's have a moment of silence" and then the organ starts playing 5 seconds later.
  
  
• sometimes the hardest task is to quiet the mind and HUSH the "mosquito thoughts" that come flying in and out of our heads. bzzzt! "what am i having for lunch today?" bzzt! "which way should i drive home?" bzzzt! "do i need to stop by the store an get milk?" bzzzt! "everyone else seems to be walking faster, maybe i sould speed up." bzzzt "i sure hope we don't have to walk this thing again." bzzzt! you have to swat them down, or as Ari said in small group tonight when i shared this story, "you need some Jesus-OFF" yeah, spiritual warfare spray! what a groovy idea. just spray the demons and they go a runnin!
  
  
• we walked a labyrinth. he cautioned us that impatience, expectations, and constrictions would try to come up as we walked. part of the process of walking into the labyrinth is letting go of all that. one way he suggested we combat those 3 things and the "mosquito thoughts" that can be distractions was to just ask questions of God. turn everything into a question, because sooner or later you run out of questions and perhaps God reveals to you what is really important for you to dwell on. then you come to the center - illumination. and as you walk out - contemplation.
  

• nugget: practices are meditative tools which lend themselves to contemplation. and contemplation is a gift from God.
  
  
• Pay Attention. Pay attention to what is going on around you, and what is going on in you. what do you really hear?
  

i really enjoyed the day of practicing silence. i admit, it is rare for me. something almost always has to be "on" around me.

Beth Nielsen Chapman said (at the workshop i attended a month ago-ish), "Mindless television, like sitcoms and such, can be a kind of desperate meditation." that really stuck with me. i'm thinkin about "unplugging" for a few days. after i watch the 2 movies i rented the other day of course ;)