comfortable with uncomfortableness

i can't believe the last time i wrote was to post pics from my vacation. maybe i can believe it. highlights from the past 6 weeks:

-taught day and night classes last term + maintained my reg hours at the spa = too many hours/week to count + one exhausted Jill.

-sprained my ankle but good (read: 70% tears) and relived the joy of crutches with newness of das boot (basically a removable cast, easier for showers). no good story this time. just walking around at Heather's new place, aka "The Steps of Death" (Leigh fell twice while we moved H. in...)

-bonus: got two weeks off from the spa mandated by the aforementioned injury

and now you're up to date.

i've been just considering over my hiatus, as i prepared to head back to the spa this week, how uncomfortable i've been there for some time. whether or not it's time to move on. i hadn't really thought about it til my supervisor at school asked me last week how it's felt not being at the spa for a few weeks. i heard myself say that i noticed my stress level had been drastically lower. then i began to process the words i said out loud, because, of course, now that made what i have been feeling internally for months but refused to acknowledge, real.

i noticed that as my first day back came closer and closer, slowly and steadily, my anxiety level began rising. knowing the best thing i could do for the people i work for and with is pray for them, and not even knowing where to begin, and wondering even if it's not where i'm supposed to be anymore and maybe it's time to jump ship (there's a lot of that going on there lately, not that i'm a lemming) there comes a small, still whisper:

maybe it's about being comfortable with the uncomfortableness, comfortable amidst the uncomfortableness.

not forever, for now. that's all i know.

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on a more serious note...