Monday, February 27, 2006

Kyrie Eleison

in everything there is constancy,

"And in the middle of a struggle

there's a quiet place you can go
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know..."

and there is crying out.

be still? are you kidding me? do you KNOW how much i have to do today? i don't have TIME to be still.

there is crying out,

can't i just download a devotional or song or prayer or something to my PDA and get my god-fix for the day? God knows how stressed i am. He wouldn't want me to be stressed about spending time with him, too...

and there is letting go.

"...Right in your heart there is a temple
come and bow before the throne
Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know." ~Kim Hill


yet, there is constancy.

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i sat down tonight and listened to a CD that i use in my massage sessions. really listened.

this particular cd always relaxes me, helps me really leave stuff outside the room and focus on just being there. i guess i don't notice much what's going on in me, because i'm always focused on what's going on in whomever i'm working on.

so tonight i decided i really needed to take some time out for me. my body's wrecked from doing too many massages last week. my bones are tired. so much so it's hard for me to think. it's time for some yoga and music.

my mind becomes quieter as i listen to breath coming in, breath going out. hearing the tibetan singing bowls pushes my thoughts to the edge of the pool. i begin to feel individual muscles stretch in each pose. some let go as others become taut. breath in, breath out.

the Kyrie Eleison begins. it is Greek for "Lord, have mercy." i notice things i normally don't hear in this song. in each part of it, there is a constant voice, and there is one that literally sounds like it is crying out, to me, maybe even for me. there is no disharmony, no matter how much the crying out part deviates from the constant, just tension between the voices. yet, there is no resolution until the crying out lets go and joins the constancy.

there is that inner spirit in me, that draws me, even when i am running and crying out. it remains constant, no matter where i am, no matter where i run, no matter how much i rage and try to avoid the truth. there is no pressure for me to stop running or raging or avoiding, yet i never feel peace, until i join the constancy. it is only when i let go that the tension resolves into the constancy that is already there. that may have a different look than stillness at times, yet, there is always a place for being still.

_____________________________________________________

in everyting there is constancy,
and there is crying out.

there is crying out,
and there is letting go.

yet, there is constancy.


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