random

so tonight at Kairos i go up to one of my good buddies to say "hi" and grab a hug and she says, "you play poker, right?" yeah, sometimes (i just won 1st place in a local tourney last night). "i know this guy..."

my "getting fixed up alert" is going ballistic. yep, she proceeds to tell me she thought of me when talking with him. tall, good looking Christian guy, likes and is very good at poker and board games, lives close by in Antioch, yadda yadda. basically "fixing me up."

keep in mind that my brother got married last summer. my sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks. there have been "mumblings" from various people that next summer will be my turn. quite frankly, i really don't wanna think about it and it scares the bejesus out of me. i'm just figuring out who i am and enjoying it. *taking a deep breath*

i agree for her to give him my email. we'll see what happens. i don't know what to think of it yet.

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i forced myself to go to the gym tonight. though really tired, i knew i had to go anyway to tan (gotta not be pale for sis' wedding) so i reluctantly told myself i'd only do a super lite workout for maybe 20-30 mins.

end up chatting with the late night desk guy. he's not having fun. (i asked) so i suggested, "invest in the space you're in."

after several puzzled looks, i offer, "not money. maybe time, ideas, you decide." he has a hard time loving his job because it is very mundane and too routine and no one appreciates it he thinks. he's the janitor, the only janitor.

more chatting and thoughts offered. he asks me to loan him a buck before i go. i do. no worries.

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i am still pondering thoughts offered and inspired by Kairos tonight:

• being a missionary by definition.
  
• God is not fair (and aren't i glad!)
• he wants to teach me more so through my obedience than in spite of disobedience
• what kind of heart do i have?
• what kind of tools has he equipped me with?
• what kind of tool am i?

the biggest thing i am pondering is whether or not this new church they are committing to start is where i am being called to serve. the question is not whether i am being called to serve. i know i am. the question is where?

where is this full-time ministry you have called me to, Jesus? you spoke to me years ago, and i heard you. show me where, and i will go. is it just in my daily life? the people that cross my path? or do you have a specific task for me? music? small groups? teaching? show me where. it may scare me (more than a little), but i will go.