Tuesday, February 01, 2005

uncommon sense!

have you ever felt like it just must've been your day for idiots to cross your path? let me tell ya, i had one of those days yesterday!!! it totally made me rethink the phrase "common sense." we really ought to call it uncommon sense because, apparently, it's not so common!

first episode of the day, last client of my day at work...i enter the room and my client is there standing, wearing a robe, and says, "question, do i keep the robe on or just get on the table under the sheet?" well, i'll give her a little credit for at least asking and not going ahead and getting on the table with the robe on under the sheet. (oh yeah, for those of you that don't know, i'm a massage therapist, that info may be important for this story) that has happened before! yeah, here's your sign...

next, on the way home, i had to make a stop at walmart in cool springs. so i'm turning left onto mallory lane from cool springs blvd, which has dual turning lanes now. got the green arrows and proceed to turn when i notice that one of the cars from the opposing dual turn lanes is, yes you guessed it, NOT turning left but driving straight ahead for her which is disaster for me because, oh yes, she is headed straight for me!!! now, wouldn't you think the HUGE white arrows pointing left in the asphalt would be enough to let you know you are in the turn lane??? and even if you missed that, that the arrows pointing left indicating a LEFT turn only may proceed through the intersection would register somehow in your brain that you can NOT go straight in this lane??? YEESH! now i know i am probably eligible for the 6th punch on the "attend traffic school 5 times and get the 6th one free" card for leadfoot disease, but come on! "hello? mcfly? is anybody home?" so i yelled some pleasantries and politely held my thumb on my horn for quite some time as we both skidded to a stop. i decided it was a good idea to wait til she moved on through the intersection before i proceeded with my left turn. by all means! go ahead! it seems you were going to anyway! granted, in retrospect, i should've let her hit me. "white lightning" (my 95 Saturn) needs some body work and she probably would've broad-sided me which could have led to me getting a few things fixed. that would have been nice!

so i actually did make it home (finally!) and go to the mailbox to get my mail, hoping a couple of my recently won eBay items (oh yes, Ari, it is addicting!!!) might be there. well, i put my key in the keyhole for my box and attempt to turn it, it won't budge! my first thought is maybe it's frozen, but it's not below freezing outside and we haven't even had any precipitation. that can't be it! what the heck? i also notice that the door to my box has absolutely no give to it like it normally does, i check the other boxes, yes they have give, so then i'm thinking there's something jammed in my box. it couldn't be that full, could it? the mailman would just leave me one of the pink slips to come to the PO to pick up the package. being the investigator i am (and really wanting those packages!), i walk around to the back of the mailboxes just to check it out, to see if the back is pushed out. OH MY WORD!!!! (see above picture) the back of the box is pushed out so far you can see into other people's boxes!!! you can stick your fingers in there!!! (not that i did...) somebody could steal your mail or rain could get through and ruin it!!! yes, i finally identified with our fav new hero, mr nappy d, and joined him in a robust and deep resounding "IDIOT!!!!!" so i knew at this point it was jammed full, which is why i couldn't open it, and i got my pliers out of the emergency kit in my car, because this obviously an emergency! there were packages in there that needed rescuing! i used the pliers to turn my key in the lock (carefully, so as not to break my key!) , and sure enough, packages, jammed, just as i suspected.

so i pulled out the first two, then the next one, one more, regular mail, and oh yes, finally the last package! 5 PACKAGES!!! PLUS 4 pieces of regular mail, 3 MAGAZINES, 2 newsletters and a (come on gang, sing it...) partridge in a pear tree, too!!! (not really a partridge and a tree, but if the bird would a fit, i bet this OBVIOUS TETRIS dork woulda made it fit!) AND TWO OF MY PACKAGES WERE RIPPED!!!! oh ho ho! it's on like donkey kong now, brother! "FREAKIN IDIOT!!!" i mean, i knew it had to be a sub, because our regular mailman would never do that. regular guy will bring the package to your door and leave a pink slip in your box if you're not home. yes, door service, we love him! this sub, i swear, if my packages had been damaged (they weren't, couple of cracked CD cases, nothing major, still the principle of it all!!!) i would've had to momma smack him upside the head! you know THIS was the guy in high school that you never wanted to stand by, or underneath, while he was opening his locker because if one thing falls out, they all fall out! THIS was the guy that crammed EVERYTHING inside his locker, making it fit, and holding stuff in place while quickly removing his while simultaneously slamming it shut!

it really was un-freakin-believable. why it did not occur to him that he might damage something from stuffing it in there, i don't know. maybe he just didn't care. that would upset me more because i can forgive idiocy a lot quicker than apathy. you know what they say..."ignorance can be educated. stupid is forever!"


At 9:26 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

To that I give a hardy Ren-and-Stimpy, "YOU IIIIIDIOT!!"


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