Monday, August 17, 2009


Much like my friend, Katharine, my mind has been on adoption lately...

People try to bug me about my singleness. Like my aunt, who recently said to me over the phone after my cousin (her daughter) got married, "So when are we gonna meet Mr. Jill?" Funny thing is, I am pretty much at peace with waiting for my mate...
waiting for God to prepare my future mate for me, waiting for God to continue his work in me to prepare me...I only wanna do this marriage thing once, definitely, so I really am okay with waiting; waiting for the right time, right man, right me.

I actually don't feel any "biological clock ticking" like some ladies do.
It's not that I don't ever see myself getting married. I do, actually. Whenever I dream and picture my future, I do not see myself in it alone. I just don't see myself and my husband with children. Not that we will not have children, I just don't see them in the picture at the moment. And when I hold a newborn baby, as I did yesterday, I don't have any pressing desire to have children either. Again, not that I won't ever have children, I just don't feel any pressing desire to do so at the moment. The best thing about babysitting is you get to give the kids back at the end of the day. =)

It's interesting to me, various peoples' reaction to that particular fact about me at the moment. Some are utterly shocked. They gasp and say something like, "You mean you don't EVER want to have children?" Horrified, hands sliding down their cheeks pushing their jaw to the floor as if I've just spoken some kind of blasphemy. And there are the others that are just genuinely shocked that I am not worried about the time table of it all, being 36 and creeping fast towards the next big b'day that ends with a -0. "You might not be able to have children then, even if you do want them! blah blah blah" I gently remind both categories that even if God does put the desire in my heart to have children and my body is not able to safely carry them when I do get married, there are plenty of kids in this world that need a home. There are soooooo many children out there that want to be loved and need parents. We ourselves are adopted sons and daughters of the King. Who better to take in and redeem an orphan than someone who has been one as well and has been redeemed and restored by the King himself?

Our pastor is doing a sermon series on relationships right now and, interestingly enough, I joined a group studying 1 & 2 Peter which, as it turns out, is mostly about relationships (I had forgotten this since I studied Peter last...). So for about 3 weeks straight, I heard all about what it takes to be (and support) a godly man, ditto for women, marriage and what God intended it to be, what obstacles we face in marriage because we are fallen, etc. You'd think I'd be like, "okay God, whaddup wid all dis?" But actually, I've quite enjoyed it. I've taken away some really good nuggets to chew on for a while. Biggest of which being that our world, our culture, truly has nothing of value for us to hear about marriage because they didn't create it. The world can't speak wisely about it, or understand it for that matter, because the world didn't create it.

I started wondering if there was something broken in me because I don't feel the urge to have kids or feel the clock ticking thing right now. One of my friends pointed out that it is a huge blessing that I do not feel a perverbial ticking of the biological clock right now. I told her the thing about I don't see myself having kids or feel pressed time wise and she said, "Well praise the Lord!" I gave her a funny look and she said, "Seriously! Thank God that you don't feel pressured by time or feel the urge to have a baby every time you pick one up to love on it. Some women really struggle with that!" True. I never thought about it that way. Thanks, girl. I needed that.

Thank you, Father, that your timing is perfect. Thank you for teaching me that it is one of the ways you assert your Sovereignty. You know the plans you have for me, and the timing. I trust that you will reveal them (and him) to me in YOUR time. Like Amy Grant said, I thank you for the things you have done, and thank you for the things you've yet to do. . .


At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Stumblin Mama said...

Even as a mother of three, I find it funny how much emphasis our society places on motherhood via birth. I say via birth, because I don't feel that you have to give birth to a baby (or even have adopted children) to be a "mother" or have a mother's heart. How courageous of you to admit your feelings.


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